guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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