I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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