I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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