this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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