Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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