he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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