So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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