i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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