youre lurking in front of me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize