Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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