Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize