Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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