i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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