And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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