Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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