i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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