How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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