I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize