the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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