I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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