we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
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He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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