Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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