if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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