I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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