there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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