Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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