I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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