and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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