shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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