I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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