i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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