dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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