it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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