I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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