this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize