You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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