I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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