I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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