im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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