Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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