OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
These tits shall not be calmed
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