I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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