Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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