She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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