I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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