I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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