Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize