Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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