During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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