when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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